Goodmorning sir, hide and post, I am 27 years old. And I got married to my husband who is 34 last year and it was a marriage I prayed for to happen because I love him.
Dee loves me too and he sacrificed a lot for my happiness when we were dating. He is a church guy, that’s why I agreed to marry him. We practiced no sex before marriage. He joined our church and we met and liked each other. Our pastor blessed the marriage. On the night of our wedding, I was all ready for my husband to touch him. He told me to relax. I went to bed with my phone trying to reply to messages as I waited for him. As I was pressing my phone, I heard my husband moaning like one who was making out. He was sitting on the couch watching a movie on his laptop. I looked in his direction so I could know what was happening. I found out my husband was masturbating. I went closer to his position and he was watching porn, gay porn.
I was shocked but I didn’t make him feel like it was bad. I jokingly told him that he should focus on me but he rejected my advances and that felt like the beginning of the end for our marriage. After 3 weeks in I asked him what the problem is, my husband said he enjoys watching porn more than making love to a woman. I asked him why he married me and he said “So the world won’t question his sexuality.” My husband opened up to me that he has never made love to any woman in his life and he would rather be with a man but was too afraid to make that move so he reverts to porn instead.
I became speechless and weak. One day, he went out and bought me toys to use on myself whenever I needed someone inside me, or I could go outside and get to from one particular guy. He promised to pay me a huge monthly allowance which he has begun in exchange for my silence or if I defy him he will ruin me and my family.
The thing is because Dee is very wealthy he took care of not only me during courtship by my entire family, established a business for my parents, put my siblings in very good and expensive schools, and upgraded our entire lives including our family home.
The thought of paying him back financially is not even possible as we can’t afford it as a family. It’s been a year and I am suffering as I feel too guilty to cheat as well and can’t leave because my family is so stuck in a sexless marriage.
It’s so bad people have begun to notice I’m unhappy and keep asking me but I am trying to protect the image of my husband. I am craving intimacy but afraid of going outside of my marriage even though my husband has given me permission, as well I’m unable to leave at least not yet, what can I do? How can I survive?
Please what should I do?
